Pushing away
by sweet sonia
Summary: How far will Bella push people away from her and her past? Will she give and accept help that is offered or will she run away and lock her feeling up.. ExB
1. What?

**I do not own Twilight! **

**Give it a chance… :)**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"I'm getting late!" I chanted to myself. Jessica was so going to kill me. We were supposed to meet up early in school. Damn the stupid alarm.

"Annie, Melanie, you ready!"

They were my twin cousins. Their dad left before they were born and their mum died when they were 2; leaving them with their only uncle; my dad, Chief Charlie Swan.

"We're ready." Annie called.

Grabbing a granola bar, I rushed to my car; my baby. Sitting outside my house was my red Saleen Raptor. The best car ever, although being a bit ostentatious; this was the car I had to buy.

"Bella, why did we have to get up this early today?" Annie asked.

"Jess wanted to meet up to talk about something."

"Why not after school?"

I had been wandering the same thing. Why before school. I hope it wasn't another gossip chat. Don't get me wrong. I love Jessica but everyone knew she was the school's gossip queen but luckily she was my best friend so I didn't have to worry about being her next target.

"I really don't know. Must be important though" I mused

"Hope Lauren isn't with her" Melanie spoke finally.

Although being twins, Annie and Melanie were nothing alike. Annie is boisterous, joker type. She's very loud and doesn't take crap from anyone. She is very protective over Melanie and is very bright. Melanie on the other hand, although being bright is very shy. She likes to keep to herself and wouldn't be able to defend herself if she was verbally attacked which is why she stick with Annie a lot.

Melanie has never liked Lauren; without saying anything, it was pretty obvious.

'_Finally at school'_ There were still 30 minute before school started but a few students had already started arriving. We headed towards the homeroom and just as I was about to open the door; Annie grabbed my shoulder causing me to flinch. I turned to Annie who held her finger to her lips.

"Sshh!" she whispered "Listen!"

After being told by Annie, I realised I could hear Jessica's voice.

"Yeah, you're right Lauren but do you really think this is going to work."

Oh fish! Who were they talking about now?

"Of course it's going to work, trust me! She needs to get laid sooner than later and Mikes willing to do the job. He's been chasing after her for a while now like a lost littler puppy." Lauren sneered

"Hmm, yeah I think everyone has noticed how much he likes her. It'll release all that tension she has going on" Jessica replied.

Who were they talking about?

"Alright Jess, tell me everything you know about her, it'll make things a lot easier if I know more about her."

"Hmm, apart from what I told you, she's a virgin and she's hasn't had her first kiss yet." They couldn't be talking about me. Jess wouldn't do that to me. She's my best friend and we've through everything together.

"Okay before Bella..." I had had enough, they were talking about me. How could she. She was supposed to be my best friend. How could she do this to me...?

I walked in!

**X~TBC~x**

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><p><strong>I hope this was ok…<strong>

**I wrote this a while back but never had the guts to post it…**

**Please review…. :)**

**Sweet Sonia xx**


	2. Hurt!

**I do not own Twilight! **

**Give it a chance… :)**

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"Bella!" Jess stammered.

"What... Jess how could you. You were supposed to be my best friend. I trusted you. You were trying to sell me out. WITH MIKE!" I exclaimed.

"Bella, no...no..."

"Okay then Jess, enlighten me? Tell me you weren't going to force Mike on me. You weren't going to use that mouth of yours to blab all my secrets around; that you haven't broken my trust. Have you broken my trust Jess...? Tell me?" I all but yelled

"God Bella, take a chill pill would you" Lauren retorted. "We are doing what is best for you. Obviously you heard everything so here it is. You are uptight. Why don't you live a little? When was the last time you went out and had a bit of fun? Even my mum goes out more than you. You'd think you'd be a bit more gracious about all this. There are plenty of guys who are willing to go out with you. We even set Eric up with you but no..." she waved her hands in the air "No one is good enough for Bella here."

"Hold on gracious about what... that you're setting me up..." _Eric? NO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE!_

"Eric? You prodded him after me?" the look on Jessica's face told me all I needed to know. _How could she?_

"Jess how could you... I told you he was harassing me and you still didn't make him stop. You knew he was scaring me. Why would you do that? We've been friends since we were kids. How could you turn your back on me?" I yelled

I was beyond pissed and upset.

"Oh come on Bella. Just grow up. You this... you that... I do have a life. I can't constantly be there for you. You haven't told anyone what happened five years ago. It's hurting you, everyone can see that. I was your best friend; you should have told me what happened so I could help you but you didn't. That's not something a best friend would do. You didn't let me help you but when you used to wake up at night screaming you used to ring me telling me you were having nightmares but you still didn't tell me what they were about and what happened that damn night. How do you think I felt, watching you struggle, you wouldn't even let your cousins in. That nightmare; it's always the same one isn't it, that's what you tell me that you keep having the same dream but you won't tell me anything. Even after 5 years, it still occurs doesn't it, maybe not as frequent but it's still there. How can we be best friends if you can't share that part of your life with me? This is ridiculous, you're own cousins think you should get your act together. What happened is in the past, get over it." She snapped

I turned around and stared at Annie and Melanie. Why were they so quiet? Shouldn't they be backing me up?

Conflict!

Both had conflict written all over their faces. That's where it hit me. They agreed with everything Jess said. I couldn't trust anybody. Jess betrayed my trust. She knew that I didn't want to replay that night again but she still brought up the past when I was recovering from it. If my own cousins and former best friend turned their backs on me, then anybody else would. No one would want to waste their time on me.

'_Ha!'_ I mentally thought. How did it take me so long to figure that out? I was unwanted.

Anger turned to sorrow. Sorrow turned to emptiness. That's how I felt. Empty. My insides became hollow. What was I living for? My life was pathetic and I had no one to turn to.

I heard a distinct sound and looked over to the door. Mike; standing in the doorway with a smirk across his slimy face, as he approached me I moved back. Jess, Lauren, Annie and Mel stood watching.

Were they really going to let Mike assault me? Hold on! Brain check! I can't trust them. I can't trust anybody. They will only hurt me!

By now I was against a wall. '_What is the point of struggling? I don't matter to anyone!'_

Mike held onto my arm while I sunk down onto the floor. On arm hovering in the air which Mike had grasped while my other arm was wrapped around my leg.

Empty...

Hollow...

That's what I was.

I would always be alone...

I had no feelings left in me.

So this was it?

**X~TBC~x**

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><p><strong>Please review… :)<strong>

**Sweet Sonia xx**


	3. Meet the Cullens

**I do not own Twilight! **

**Give it a chance… :)**

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><p><strong>Cullen House<strong>

**APOV**

New house! YAY! I was more than ecstatic to be moving into a new place. Everything would be new, and we'd all be at school again, together…

This was my first time at Forks and I was really happy. Me and Jasper had recently joined the family and we fit in perfectly. Edward, my brooding prune of a brother who I loved, Emmett being the prankster to put it politely and Rosalie being the beauty, who was also the only one able to control Emmett. Jasper, the love of my life was watching TV while Carlisle and Esme were in the study getting the last of the stuff ready for our departure.

###############################################################################

**APOV**

We're here…

Finally in Forks

I was so happy that we would all be living together again. I was worried that Emmett and Rosalie living separate would cause hurdles but now we were together. I don't know why but I had a good feeling about coming here and I was never wrong. I am a psychic after all. We were starting Forks High School next week so that we could get adjusted and feed before going near humans.

_A week later…_

"Emmett, Rosalie, Edward" I yelled. "Come on, Hurry up!"

All 3 of them came down.

"Alice, it's not time yet" Rosalie grumbled. "There's still an hour left"

"I've got this bad feeling; we have to leave for school now!"

"Alice, what's wrong?" Edward asked.

"I don't know" I replied exasperated.

Noticing my frown, all five of us left the house.

As we stepped into the school building; I saw 3 girls heading across the hall where they stopped. I noticed the shocked look cross the features of the mahogany haired girl. For some unfathomable reason, I was drawn to her.

I shook off the feeling as we headed to pick up our timetables. "Alice! Why did you bring us here so early?" Rosalie interrupted the silence.

"I don't know… I just have a feeling we should be here."

"Hmm! There are a lot of emotions being thrown at me!" Jasper mused. Maybe that was it… the purpose to why I had the feeling.

I noticed Edward giving me an uneasy look as he spoke. "We should check it out. Alice thinks that this may be the reason."

'I love my brother' I thought, Edward snorted.

We headed down the hall and I noticed that it was the same direction where the girls headed earlier. Now there was a boy with blonde hair and baby features entering the very room.

Thinking better than to barge in… Edward held us back. While listening I realised that whatever the conversation was about; it was turning ugly and by the look on Rosalie's face; she was about to barge in.

**X~TBC~x**

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><p><strong>Please review… :)<strong>

**Sweet Sonia xx**


	4. Relive a nightmare

**I do not own Twilight! **

**Give it a chance… :)**

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

Bang!

The door slammed open. There was no use in looking at who it was.

"Leave her alone!" A pixie like voice chirped

"You are supposed to be her best friend" a velvet voice growled.

I looked up. Not towards the sounds but to where Jess and Lauren were.

Gobsmacked

Mouth hanging open

Eyes popping out their sockets

'_What was the big deal?'_

As soon as I thought this, I was surrounded by a crowd. Mike was not holding on my arm anymore so I was able to wrap it around my torso to protect myself.

"Bella, are you ok?" the same pixie voiced girl asked. Why did she sound upset?

"Yeah, I'm fine. Um... thank you!" I looked at her. She was kneeling beside me.

Whoa! She looked gorgeous. Short, spiky haircut, beautiful features and golden eyes; she actually looked like a pixie.

"Hey we're new students," she said. "We're siblings. My name is Alice Cullen, this is Emmet Cullen..."

I turned to the 5 strangers around me who were staring at me intently. All very similar but still very different! There was something different about them.

No! As my eyes stopped at the blonde haired guy, I remembered something; something which I had been running from for 5 years. Running from myself!

###############################################################################

_**Flashback**_

"**I'm really getting late, it's hitting 6.00"**

**I was driving home from Jessica's house when my car stopped working. I've never been good with electrical stuff so I had no idea what was wrong with it.**

"**Stupid truck has to stop working now!" I yelled furiously.**

**I just realised that I had left my phone at home. What an evening to do such a thing, I thought.**

**What was I thinking? I had to have an argument with my parents tonight didn't I? Why was I so stubborn? I looked around to see no one in sight. **

**There was no other choice but for me to walk it home and that's what I would do. I realised I lived two blocks away from where I currently was.**

**I started walking. I was sure I could hear something nearby. I started walking faster. Getting more and more paranoid; I stopped and turned around; although I saw nothing I couldn't help the uneasy feeling that was rotating around me. I began to run. I had to get home quick. Just as I began running, I felt a hand wrap around my mouth and grab me. I screamed but nothing was coming out. I couldn't thing coherently. I was being pulled and I could hear myself trying to yell "LEAVE ME ALONE!"**

**I was panicking. What was going on? I was being dragged into the alley way. Whoever was doing it must have been strong with the grasp it had on me.**

**I didn't know what to do. What did I get myself into? I was pushed against a wall and felt the hand move away from my mouth to my neck. All I was able to think was **_**"I'm going to die!" "I'm going to die!"**_** I looked up and there he was; a few inches away from my face. He was tall and muscular which would have made sense with the strength he had. His crimson red eyes reflected off the moonlight and were glistening across his pale face. His eyes sent a chill through my body; I had never been so scared in my whole life. **

**I felt his hand move up and down my neck and that's when it hit me. This was it. I was going to get raped.**

"**Please let me go! Please don't hurt me! I beg you! Please don't..."**

"**Sshhh! This won't hurt a bit darling" he whispered**

"**No! No! No! Please!" I cried**

"**I'm sorry; you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm very thirsty and you smell delicious."**

**WHAT! HE... HE... WHAT?**

"**W...would you hurt someone you love?"**

"**What?" he stammered back.**

**Here was my chance**

"**Would you hurt the person you love or let someone hurt her?"**

**I could see him wavering.**

"**Would she want you to hurt me? Please let me go! Please..." I begged**

**He closed his eyes and took a step back**

"**Go and don't look back" he yelled**

**I could not move. I was frozen still with fear. Was he really letting me go...? Without another thought, I backed away but before running for it, I spluttered, "Wh... what is your name?**

_**End of Flashback**_

_**##################################################################################**_

"Jasper Hale" Alice finally finished

OMF! What was wrong with me? Why do I attract trouble? This was my past. Why can't it stay there? His eyes were now gold like the rest of theirs. I stared at my hands. He wasn't as scary looking as that night. Unlike then, now I knew what he was. Cold hands, pale skin, fast and extremely strong who thirsted for my blood. A VAMPIRE! I could feel them staring. Why were they here?

"I'm such a jinx!" Oops! Did I say that out loud? I left one vampire behind and now I was corrupted with 5 of them.

I had to stay away from them.

I looked up and the bronze haired boy was staring at me with his eyes furrowed together. I turned to Alice, who had concern written all over her face.

"Bella what did you just say?" she asked.

"No...Nothing!"

"We're new here. Would you be able to help us around? I can tell we are going to be best friends."

'_Best friends with a vampire! No way' _I needed to get away from them.

"Err... This is a small school. It' easy to find your' around here."

It wasn't going to be hard for vampires to find their way around. They probably already knew where everything was.

"And I don't want any best friends" I took a glance at Jessica who was standing in the corner staring. "I don't want any friends for that matter. Sorry! I... I have to go!"

I got up and walked towards the door. I had to get out of here. Before I could stop myself; with my back still turned I whispered, "Thanks for not hurting me! You gave me the chance to realise where I stand although maybe it would have been better if it ended there!"

I walked away.

**X~TBC~x**

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><p><strong>Please review… :)<strong>

**Sweet Sonia xx**


	5. Realisation

**I do not own Twilight! **

**Give it a chance… :)**

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><p><strong>JPOV<strong>

"I'm confused!" Alice said

Why did she seem so familiar to me?

"Edward, what did she mean by _'thanks for not hurting me? It made me realise where I stand although it would have been better if it ended there_'"

"I don't know, I couldn't read her mind." He admitted.

"What do you mean? You losing your touch Eddie!" Emmett chucked, trying to lighten the situation.

"Shut up Emmett!" Edward replied agitated before turning to Jasper. "What do you mean by she seems familiar?"

"I'm not sure, but there was something there"

We were talking really fast so no human would be able to catch what we were talking about.

_Was getting flicks of images in my head to try to remember why she was so familiar._

"_Jasper_!" Edward said, "What was that?"

"Jazzy you ok?" Alice asked me sounding worried.

I turned around to the humans. There were only 2 there, where did the others go!

Panicking I asked, "What was here full name?"

"Isabella Swan" One of the girls answered

'NO!' I was shocked, it couldn't be…

**################################################################################**

_**FLASHBACK**_

**Thirsty, so thirsty. The burn, I can't take it.**

**Need blood…**

**Car slowing down, stopping… girl leaving her car, doesn't look older than 14 years.**

**Can't think… need her now…**

"**Ahhh! Leave me alone!" My arms wrapped around her, pulling her toward the alley.**

**I pushed her against the wall… the monster within me coming out.**

**Mouth-watering is the only way to describe the meal in front of me. Her neck a beautiful sight, blood pulsing through her veins.**

**I moved her closer.**

"**Please let me go! Please don't hurt me! I beg you! Please don't…" **

**Not controlling my instincts, "Sshhh! This won't hurt a bit"**

"**NO! NO! NO! Please!" she pleaded.**

"**I'm sorry you were here at the wrong time… I'm very thirsty and you smell delicious."**

**I was beginning to lose the little control I had when…**

"**Would you hurt someone you love?"**

**What?**

"**W... would you hurt the person you love or if someone hurt her?" **

**Alice!**

"**Would she want you to hurt me?" Alice! "Please let me go! Please!"**

**Oh god, what am I doing… can't hurt Alice... My senses returned. **

"**Go and don't look back!" I said harshly, trying to control the littlest amount of power I had before giving myself over to the monster.**

**She ran… I all but stopped myself from running after her. Stopping halfway she asked unexpectedly, "What's your name?"**

"**Jasper" I whispered. **

"_**Isabella Swan"**_

**Alice… What was I going to do? **

_**END OF FLASHBACK**_

**X~TBC~x**

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><p><strong>Please review… :)<strong>

**Sweet Sonia xx**


	6. A headache

**I do not own Twilight! **

**Give it a chance… :)**

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><p><strong>JPOV<strong>

"WHAT!" Edward yelled causing the remaining girls to flee. He had seen through Jasper's thoughts.

'Shit, it was her, she had grown, it had been 3 years since the incident'

"Jazz, what's going on?" Alice whispered clearly scared.

"Those comments she made, were directed at Jasper" Edward answered.

**APOV**

What was going on? Jasper was acting strange. I was getting scared. What happened?

'Edward, tell me what's going on? Is Jasper ok?'

"Everything she said was directed to Jasper. He did something, involving her before you two came to us." He said shock evident in his voice.

No. No. No. It can't be. No wonder she left in a hurry.

'Jasper… how is Jasper?' I yelled in my head.

"ALICE! Stop screaming, what it look like? He just realised that the girl he spared is right in front of him and she remembers. How would you be feeling?"

'This is turning out to be strange. Do you think she knows who we are?'

"Honestly I don't know"

Jasper looked like he was in shock. I tried to comfort him. Edward couldn't read her mind, did that mean I couldn't see her future.

I saw Edward wince, whether it was at my thoughts or someone elses as he had never encountered this before.

**EMPOV**

'Huh! What's going on? I hate it when they have one way conversations. What's up with the girl and Jasper? OH WELL, AT LEAST SCHOOL ISN'T GOING TO BE BORING THIS YEAR. A LOT MORE FUN… ' I grinned to myself.

I saw Edward wince.

'Oops sorry Eddie!' I thought. I shouldn't have yelled.

**RPOV**

'Great, we are going to get involved with humans. Can't we just stay to ourselves? It's best for everyone. I could be fixing my car but instead I'm stuck here. Great, just fantastic!'

**EPOV**

My head!

"God, calm down already. Stop yelling. This is getting ridiculous"

'Sorry' – Emmett

'Oops' – Alice

'Whatever' – Rosalie

''She's hurt and it's my fault' Jasper

"Jasper, what happened was not your fault. You can't change the past. You didn't kill her so that is a good thing. We have to go see Carlisle. Tell him what happened so we can figure out what to do next, before she finds out too much." I said

"Hold on! Wait a minute. What about Bella? Whatever happened must have caused her traumatic stress. We can't leave her. What if she does something? Edward please…"

"Alice we need to see Carlisle. We can't make out decisions on our own. This is an important matter! Jasper come on!" I replied

Jasper was hurt. It was evident on his face. He was pained. He found it difficult adjusting to our lifestyle but also regretted what he did in his old life. I felt bad for him but going back to the past was not an option.

Why couldn't I read her mind? This was another issue which I wanted to discuss with Carlisle. Since being changed in 1918, I have always been able to read minds.

So why the change now

It was so confusing…

**X~TBC~x**

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><p><strong>Please review… :)<strong>

**Sweet Sonia xx**


	7. PETITION

The administrators of are as of June 4th going to be taking down Fics that have lemons or have extreme violence. Now I don't know about you but I think thats stupid. There are many wonderful fics that only have one or two lemons in them yet the plot itself is awesome! You can't just take down a 100,000+ word fic just because it has a lemon in a chapter that is only 1000 words long. Now I urge you all to read the petition below, sign it, and repost this to your own fics. Hopefully if we make enough noise everything will return to normal. Thank you.

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.

If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be looseing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.

For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.

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Sweet Sonia


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